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Blog: Paper Doll, Tackling The Stacks And Piles
 Book Review: "Everything I Know about Perfectionism I Learned From My Breasts"
They say that nobody is
perfect.
Then they tell you practice makes
perfect.
I wish they'd make up their
minds.
~Wilt Chamberlain
Perfect
(adjective):
- free from any
flaw or defect
- having all the required or desirable
elements, qualities or characteristics; as good as it is possible can
be
- blemish-free
The word
"perfect" and the concept of that ideal sounds lovely, delightful and
worthy. How then is
it that perfectionism, or worse, the person who
strives to achieve this quality, the perfectionist, is so often held in disregard,
or worse, disdain?
What's so bad about
being a perfectionist that we use the term (at best, when we're trying
to be
polite) to describe someone who seems picky, bossy, competitive, or
dissatisfied?
How is it that that those who strive
towards an
ideal (sometimes to the exclusion of accepting anything short of that
ideal) are often unhappy, so much so that it can divide them from
their loved ones or even adversely impact their
health?
How is it that having (impossibly) high
standards can
create implacable obstacles to building deeper personal relationships
and exploring opportunities beyond the safe borders defined by our
areas of expertise?
If perfect
is good, how can
trying so hard to be perfect be so
bad?
The answers
to these
questions and more can be found in Everything I Know About Perfectionism I
Learned From My Breasts: Secrets and Solutions for
Overpowering Perfectionism by my friend and
colleague  Debbie Jordan
Kravitz, professional organizer and
blogger.
Long-time
Paper Doll readers
know
it's rare for me to review books in this venue. There are just so many
books published about organizing issues, and I am usually trying to get
you to keep your personal libraries as streamlined as
possible. However, I'm fascinated by the depth and breadth of
discussion and
analysis Debbie has brought to bear on the subject of perfectionism,
and am compelled to share my thoughts with you.
When Debbie first told me that her book was to be
published this summer, I was struck by the power of the title. Sure,
it's initially humorous, but the iconic pink ribbon on the cover
asserts that there's a deeper meaning. As a
breast
cancer survivor, Debbie's revelations about the necessity of overcoming
her perfectionist tendencies (for her own sake as well as her
family's), informed
her desire to write this book. But, to be honest, until I had a copy in
my hands, I think I was expecting a memoir, even a breasts' eye view,
as it were, of how her cancer and recovery brought Debbie to some sort
of epiphany about the challenges of fighting
perfectionism.
In fact, while Debbie does share her
own
story, this book offers much more, both to those of
us who struggle with the ideals of perfection and those of us who have
friends, family and co-workers whose perfectionism drives their own
behaviors. Everything
I Know is informative (indeed, eye-opening) about
perfectionism, but also offers practical guidance and motivation to
those seeking to become recovering
perfectionists.
After a personal and
revealing
introduction, the book really begins in earnest with an explanation of
why
perfectionists do what they do. It might seem
obvious--after
all, shouldn't we all want to strive to be perfect, to be the
best? But perfectionism is not merely striving for an ideal,
but it can also be reflected in self-destructive, sometimes obsessive,
tendencies.
In introducing readers to the
individuals in her case studies, Debbie discusses some of the myriad
underlying causes of perfectionism, ranging from what she calls
inherited
perfectionism (whether that inheritance is almost genetic
in
nature or bequeathed, a result of family/social conditioning) or
practically
the reverse, as an overcompensating, adaptive (and later
maladaptive)
response to one's upbringing or early environment. Debbie also examines
how low
self-esteem, an inclination towards people-pleasing, attention deficit
disorder and a variety of other internal and
external factors can collude within one's psyche to develop
perfectionist tendencies.
These case studies--real
people with real stories--present a vivid (but never exploitative)
picture of the negative, and
even hidden, consequences of perfectionism. Even if you don't
see yourself and your own inclinations in any of these case studies, I
challenge you not to see characteristics that remind you of people you
know or love, or people you've worked with (or for) and recall how
interacting with perfectionists impacted your relationships with
them.
I found the section of Everything I Know on the
adverse consequences of perfectionism to be revelatory. As a
professional organizer, I most often see
client perfectionism operate in one of two ways, in terms of
procrastination or over-complication, and hadn't considered much beyond
those two areas.
First, members of our profession are often called
to work with "perfectionist
procrastinators", as Dr. Linda Sapadin
describes them in her classic It's About Time: The 6 Styles of Procrastination
and How to Overcome Them. Perfectionist
procrastinators, as Dr. Sapadin notes, can be so idealistic about what
the end-result must be that they can be very unrealistic in terms of
their appraisal of how much energy and/or time is needed to achieve a
(possibly unattainable) result. Further, perfectionist
procrastinators tend to have an elevated fear of failure, which leads
them
to delay even beginning the tasks that can bring a project to
successful completion. We professional organizers often come
in to help clients re-frame or redefine a better end-result
(satisfaction, efficiency, ease of use, functionality, etc.) rather
than
aesthetic or other perfection.
Second, we're also
called by clients who have previously attempted to create their
own over-complicated systems to achieve the
"perfect" filing
system or work flow or closet arrangement. They then discover that
neither they nor
their co-workers or family members have any willingness to actually
stick with the extra, sometimes exhausting, steps of the so-called
perfect system.
Beyond my own professional
experiences with perfectionism, I hadn't really delved into
all of the other ways, outside of the realm of organizing, that
perfectionism feeds into more complex and challenging
difficulties. Debbie's analysis of the more serious elements
of perfectionism spans a spectrum including eating disorders, mental
paralysis, social anxiety disorders, clinical depression and chronic
disorganization. The book offers checklists of identifying warning
signs for the more dangerous situations, and a list
of resources and references to guide readers towards supportive and/or
professional
help.
As I mentioned, Everything I Know is incredibly
informative, delving into identifying and understanding various aspects
of perfectionism, but its true strengths lie in offering practical
guidance and motivation to help readers achieve their own
"A-Ha!"
moments. In every case study, each
recovering perfectionist shares his or her own tale of
transformation along with what he or she found as the most effective
tips for overpowering perfectionism.
The
case study success stories and tips are followed by a chapter
entitled "Solutions for Living a Less-Than-Perfect Life", chock-full of
psychological "reality checks" and practical task-oriented checklists
for those seeking to gain the upper hand on their perfectionist
tendencies.
Incidentally, I think the subtitle to
Everything I Know About
Perfectionism I
Learned From My Breasts is particularly apt: Secrets
and Solutions for Overpowering Perfectionism. To
Paper Doll, the
choice of the word "overpowering" is very telling; the
implication is that it's a fight, a struggle, and one that is active
and ongoing. Other alternatives (e.g., controlling,
overcoming, conquering) might imply a "perfect" solution, something
that is solved and need never be considered again. As
a self-described recovering perfectionist, Debbie knows that
challenging
one's own notions about perfectionism (bad) vs. excellence (good) is a
never-ending process. If it wouldn't be too ironic, I'd say
her choice of wording was just about perfect.
The text of Everything I Know About Perfectionism I
Learned From My Breasts is interspersed with uplifting and
motivational
quotes. I think the most appropriate one for this
review is:
A
true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be
going down.
~Arnold Glasgow, American
humorist
If you or someone you know
struggles with perfectionism, Debbie Jordan Kravitz's book is a true
friend.
By the way, when you order Everything I Know About
Perfectionism I Learned From My Breasts, enter
Komen in the
donation code,
and $2 of your purchase will go towards The Susan G. Komen for the Cure
Foundation.
posted on: 8/25/2009 10:30:00 AM by Julie Bestry
category: Paper
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Julie Bestry, President of Best Results Organizing in Chattanooga, TN, is a Certified Professional Organizer®, speaker and author. Julie helps overwhelmed individuals and businesses save time and money, reduce stress and increase productivity through new organizational skills and systems.
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