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	The Best Christmas Gift You Can Give: Simplicity

	by Susan Dunn

"Many people are choosing to simplify their lives, eliminating the number of things coming into their homes."

– Judy Harrison, Ph.D.

I had to LAUGH when I read that quote recently. I particularly remember a holiday period in my merry life when I had 2 sons, 3 dogs, my clothes filled 2 closets in my home, I owned Madeleine pans, exotic juicers, a regular and a gourmet coffeemaker, 3 sets of flatware, 10 tableclothes, 10 sets of placemats for 6 or 8, and formal china tablesettings for 12 … and most CLUTTERING of all, a social calendar that was unmanageable.

SHIFTING PERSPECTIVE

Life is a series of stages, and there is the ACQUIRING stage. However, there came a point where I felt overwhelmed by my blessings and took a look at what was going on. At the time, my boyfriend, who was a stock broker, kept saying, "Simplify, simplify." He lived what I considered a Spartan existence. But he seemed quite CONTENTED with his few posessions -- and sure had a lot more time available than I did.

ASKING THE HARD QUESTIONS

It caused me to take a look at the whole picture. I was exhausted all the time. I went to a therapist; too bad there weren’t coaches then. She said I was "trying to do too much." I interpreted it that I wasn’t CAPABLE of handling all these things, and redoubled my efforts. "Why are you doing what doesn’t bring you PLEASURE?" would’ve been the question to ask. Eventually I asked myself that question. The answers surprised me, so I decided to give myself a Christmas gift and do some simplifying of my life.

THE CLOTHES

I was still operating from an old childhood SCARCITY mentality. I never had "enough" clothes in high school, not because my parents couldn’t afford it, just that they didn’t want to spend their money on that. I realized that time was over. I gave a number of things to Goodwill, set aside a space-allotment, and stuck to it. I did have to "dress" for my profession at the time, so I chose two outfits I could ACCESSORIZE in infinite ways. Scarves, jewelry and pins take far less storage space!

THE DOGS

Two were strays we had adopted, under pressure. However, they were difficult dogs, not having been well-raised, and took far more work than our original family pet. I decided to give up this RESCUING mentality. We found good homes for two of them, and the family pact was "no more." We stuck with our one chosen, well-cared for, and well-trained dog.

THE SERVING WARE

That’s a hard one. I love to ENTERTAIN with all the accoutrements. I decided that was an okay hobby, but that I needed to stick with what I had for a long time and avoid acquiring any NEW itetms. How many sets of Christmas tablemats does one really need?

THE COOKWARE

I could eliminate a lot of these things by turning to fast food, eating out, less elaborate meals. I decided this was not something to sacrifice. There are health benefits to home cooking, and happy benefits to beautiful Bundt cakes and fondues. Our family dinners were fun for all of us, and a good thing, and I didn’t want to sacrifice that for CONVENIENCE. I realized that, in simplifying, not everything in the enriched life should be EFFICIENT.

THE FINANCIAL PICTURE

My stocks were scattered all over the place, and we CONSOLIDATED. It seemed risky to me to put all my eggs in one basket, but we did, and it resulted in a nice financial gain. And I realized that as long as my investments were diversified within that company, I would be fine. Best of all, it really cut down on the PAPERWORK.

THE ORGANIZATION

I decided it wasn’t all that I had that was the problem, it was the organization that was failing me. One thing I did was buy CONTAINERS, (for instance, for holiday decorations) and got everything in one place. I added to the box my APPAREL for that time of year -– holiday sweaters, accessories, and jewelry. I labeled them clearly, stacked them in one place, and felt better about it all.

GIFT WRAPPING

I tackled the gift WRAPPING area. I had a bow maker, rolls of paper, ribbons, supposedly ready for every occasion. This I decided to eliminate. The storage space required and the clutter were not worth it, and it seemed I never had the right thing anyway -- when I needed birthday wrap, all I had was Christmas, and vice versa. So instead, I bought 10 generic gift bags with white tissue, appropriate for ANY age or occasion.

GIFT-GIVING

Also, seeing myself "burdened" by the gifts coming my way, I switched to what I call DISPOSABLE gifts. Sending someone a floral arrangement or a basket of fruit would note the occasion, but it would go away and they wouldn’t have to find a place for it. I have never been comfortable giving money, but gift CERTIFICATES seemed possible. It showed at least a little thought and effort, the two things I find missing in gifts of money. (For those with no material needs whatsoever, I would DONATE money to a charity close to their heart. That is greatly appreciated by most people.

THE PEOPLE

I took a look at the "people" investment-return ratio. Some of them, I had to admit, were a DRAIN. I made a list of the people who really meant something to me, with whom I had strong mutual bonds, and I whittled away at the ones who didn’t contribute anything to my life. We call this in coaching, "getting rid of tolerations." Yes, people can be TOLERATIONS. I also quietly discouraged some friendships from ever occurring in the first place. Life is choices. I believe that our lives are greatly influenced by the 5 people we spend the most time with. I made sure the Top 5 were the ones I wanted and needed them to be.

META-THEORY

I decided to slow myself down at the checkout counter. I disciplined myself for 6 months. I would not make any IMPULSE buys. I would go home and consider it. Usually it wasn’t worth the effort to go back. I would not go shopping to "window shop." There’s no such thing! There’s always something attracts my eye I think I must have. Shopping would be a necessity for ESSENTIALS, not Saturday afternoon entertainment for me and the kids. I put more thought into the things I gave others so as to slow the flow into their lives as well.

READY FOR THE NEW YEAR

As you participate in, or observe, the shopping frenzy of the holiday season. Ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" Good reasons are because the thing you're buying is meaningful and you know it’s something they NEED or would like. Bad reasons are to keep up with the Joneses, because I always have, or because you're SUPPOSED to. Oserve closely your own behavior. That’s the beginning of making positive changes. It’s the emotionally intelligent thing to do!

Susan Dunn -- The EQ Coach™ -- has an MA in Clinical Psychology. She provides coaching resources, tools and support for your personal and professional development -- including numerous ebooks, home study courses and EQ Alive, an EQ Coach training and certification. Susan may be contacted at www.susandunn.cc or sdunn@susandunn.cc.

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