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Blog: It's good to be back!
 Help!
I am home visiting my folks with the kids for a week. Since our move I am only able to visit every two months or so and each time I come I can see changes. My mother, 75, had a fall nearly two years ago leaving her with a broken leg, a lingering staph infection and the frustration of not being mobile. She spends most days in a wheelchair idling from room to room doing what she can from her three foot high chair. My father, 77, has heart trouble since I was 10 and has developed congestive heart failure along with a weakening heart that as each month passes I witness his decline as well. All of this is heartbreaking of course, but more frustrating than the ailments is their inability to take care of themselves. On this trip, I have noticed order falling out of daily chores. My mother no longer has a single glass to her name. She has broken nearly everyone of them reaching for the upper cabinets. Both of my parents have always been extremely organized. I get it from them! My mother has always had a touch of OCD as far as the housekeeping was concerned. To see her fret over the littlest things makes me want to change them for her current condition. Knowing they are no longer able to get outside and get things taken care of requires my sisters and I to contemplate getting them someone to help with the yardwork. It may also be time to suggest a housekeeper. With all of us in different places, working and not able to be here for the day to day it seems logical. But, they are prideful people. They have an admirable can do spirit. I wish to honor them but know that for so many of my own clients this is the very type of setback that leads them to a life of clutter. I have begun to see piles accumilating that never would have been stood for before. Knowing how my clients have pushed themselves to accept help gives me so much appreciation for their courage. On top of this new set of piles there is also routine housework that is not getting done. My sisters and I have just today talked them into hiring a pest control person as well as renegotiating their trash pickup since they are no longer able to take the bags to the street, which had really begun to be a problem. I feel for so many folks that are in similar situations and seem to reach the point of hopelessness. I feel my mother's despair and can only take it upon myself to rip it all out and redo it. Without the maintanance I know it will come back though and that breaks my heart. For me, being the youngest of three, sometimes I have not felt I had the power to direct my family and give orders. But this week, I have had to get out of that mode and just make it happen. I am trying to think of what they do everyday just like my clients and how can I arrange the home to best serve them. I see a small light as today comes to a close. I also see the responsibility to make sure it stays working that way and will make plans for my next visit to tackle something else and try to get one step ahead of their needs. All the while, remembering I am their daughter...and they are my parents and maybe they are not ready yet to give up control of their lives. So, it must always be subtle as not to overwhelm them. I am exhausted but know their peace and comfort is all that matters. After all the rearranging and painting and clearing clutter throughout the house and yard, my parents seem more at ease tonight, not as anxious, or bickering with each other about what needs to be done or who's responsiblity it is to do it. It is hard to convince them it is okay to ask for help! I have developed a maintenance schedule for my sisters and I...we will take turns rotating duties and chores. I think they kinda enjoyed all of us here working today. So, if you see your own situation changing and causing helplessness in your own life, remember, it is okay to ask for help!
posted on: 7/23/2009 2:00:00 PM by Melissa Searcy
category: Family
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It's good to be back!
by Melissa Searcy
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About Melissa:
Melissa Searcy is a professional organizer and independent decorator now living in Jasper, AL. Formerly of Montgomery, Melissa owns Lulagrace Interiors where she was a regularly featured guest on morning television and had articles featured in the local newspaper and many local monthly publications. For more information you may visit her at www.lulagrace.com. Melissa is also a member of the Facebook community at Facebook.com/melissa.searcy or on Twitter at Twitter.com/LulagracePO.
Melissa's Website:
www.lulagraceinteriors.blogspot.com
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