When you lose a loved one, it's natural to experience one of two reactions -- either anger and resentment at the overwhelming injustice of it all, or a new-found understanding of the transitory nature of life and an appreciation for your blessings. Actually, it's more likely that you will experience both, one after another or together at the same time, and possibly for quite an extended period (that's what I'm doing right now.) I know intellectually that searching for a silver lining is the last step on the path to healing (at least according to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.) But in practical terms, it can be hard to focus on your blessings when you're grieving.

It's oftentimes much easier and more comfortable to wallow in your pain (if you had talked to me last year, I would have been hard-pressed to tell you that any good came out of my mother's death.) And the LAST thing you need when you're in that frame of mind is someone telling you to look on the bright side. It's like asking someone where he last saw his missing car keys. How is that in any way helpful? At all? I came very close to replying (in a sarcastic and biting tone), "Well let's see -- how have I been blessed lately? Surely not by the fact that my mother is dead, was murdered by a hideous disease with no known cause or cure. Not by the fact that I had to watch suffer in pain and gasping for air, knowing that there wasn't a damned thing I could do about it. Not by the fact that I will never be able to erase the memory of her lying there, looking like a wax doll before they shut the coffin lid -- or how cold she felt as I held her hand and kissed her forehead one last time. And certainly not by the fact that the longest and most reliable relationship of my life has been stolen from me years before I was ready to let it go." Clearly I do still harbor some resentment, but for my well-meaning acquaintance's sake, I'll at least make an effort:

I am blessed to have a family that came together in a time of crisis, instead of getting caught up in a lot of petty in-fighting and emotional turmoil during my mother's death. I'm blessed that I have reconnected with my siblings (with whom I hadn't been close in years), giving me a whole new set of people watching my back out there in the world, as well as a whole new set of people to worry about as they go through their own trials and tribulations. I am blessed to have a husband who knows when I need to be taken care of and pampered. I am blessed with friends all over the country who let me know on a daily basis how much they love me. I am blessed to be running my own business, doing something that I love and that fills me with passion (and that allows me three month's worth of time off when I need it.) I am blessed to live a lifestyle that affords me the freedom to travel year-round, including unscheduled trips to Alabama for family emergencies. And I am blessed that all of this is finally over, and I can attempt to get back to my normal life.

Well look at that -- I do feel better.