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	Coaching Yourself

	by Jacqueline Hale

These days, a lot of people are hiring coaches to help them. Here are some reasons why people seek a coach:

achieving clear FOCUS
identifying goals
staying on the path
having BALANCE
being heard
having a MENTOR

This article describes a coaching TOOL that many coaches use. It's something you can actually do for yourself if you take the time to ask and answer the questions. The model was designed by John Whitmore, in Coaching for Performance. You can use this simple mode, called the G.R.O.W. model to help you plan successful changes in your life. The four letters remind you of the steps to success.

G IS FOR GOAL

What do you want to achieve? It is very important to set a SPECIFIC goal at the very beginning. A VAGUE target, such as improving my golf game, really doesn't set your mind (or your body or spirit) to accomplish anything. If you play better tomorrow, is that improvement? What if you play badly for two months after that? Did you improve? It is far more challenging to say that you want to break 80 consistently. When you do it the first time, every cell in your body knows what 'breaking 80' means and celebrates! Set your definite goal before you start.

R STANDS FOR REALITY

What is the TRUTH about the situation? For example, if you want to lose weight, what's the truth? How much do you weigh now? What keeps the pounds on? This is the place for honesty. Don't fool yourself and say something that isn't true. Don't say, 'I will lose weight if I stop eating breakfast,' when it's really the donuts and candy bars you snack on at work that are the problem. What is the truth about what's really going on?

O STANDS FOR OPTIONS

What CHOICES do you have to change your reality and reach your goal? If there's only one choice, such as 'I have to stay in this job until I am vested,' then you have no choice. If there are two choices, such as 'I can keep this job or ask for a transfer within the company,' you are still quite limited. It's when you have THREE or more options that you really have the power to choose stepping to a higher level or doing what you really want. When you can choose from several options, you have real power to create exactly what you want. Compare staying in a certain job until you are vested with these choices: I can keep this job, I can ask for a transfer, I can go to another company, I can train for a different occupation, or even I can create the job I want! Try on each option and IMAGINE yourself doing it. You can tell if this is the one for you. You can also know if it is close, but needs some tweaking to make it perfect.

W STANDS FOR WILLINGNESS

Which option can you really get behind and ENJOY doing because it is part of the life you want? Which one are you willing to do, regardless of how much work it takes? Which one will you actually do? This is where your COMMITMENT comes in. This is where you draw on your own inner wisdom and strength. This is where you decide if you really will reach your goal.

AN EXAMPLE

Here's an example of using the GROW model. Say you want to look fabulous for your 20th reunion. Your goal is to lose 15 pounds before the party that is four months from now. Begin by asking yourself, 'What's my biggest CHALLENGE to losing weight?' The reality is that daily ice cream and lack of exercise have kept you 15 pounds heavier than you want to be. What options do you have? What can you do instead of eating ice cream? Eat frozen yogurt? Eat cookies? Eat regular non-fat yogurt with some fresh berries? Have an apple? Have a cup of fabulous coffee with a dollop of half-n-half? Work in the garden, go for a walk, ride a bike instead of eating something? The last three ideas also take care of the lack of exercise. What other exercise do you like? Swimming, hiking, channel surfing? So, now you might have to do a little RESEARCH. Which of the eating ice cream substitutes actually reduces calories significantly? Probably not cookies or frozen yogurt. The non-fat yogurt and berries might be a good choice if there's no sugar involved. The coffee with a dollop of half-n-half is possibly a good bet since it satisfies the cream hunger without adding too many calories.

PUTTING IT INTO ACTION

Now, actually imagine yourself doing each of the above ideas. Take some quiet time and 'try each of them on.' You'll know immediately that some just won't work; they have no APPEAL at all, even though they might look like the best bets on paper. If it is midwinter in the Northeast, gardening wouldn't be very appealing (you might consider some interior work like stripping wallpaper and redecorating the guestroom). Maybe coffee keeps you awake at night, even decaffeinated coffee! So that's not a good choice. You ELIMINATE several options just because of the current circumstances; that's why it's a good idea to have a lot of them. Finally, one option sticks. It FEELS just right. That's the one you are really willing to do, and do properly. That's the one that is most likely to bring you fascinated second glances when you show up at your reunion looking even more attractive than you did 20 years ago. The attraction could be the weight or it could be the inner knowing that you have the power to create what you really want for yourself. That's attractive!

A RECAP

Here's how the GROW model works with the weight loss example above.

GOAL: Lose 15 pounds.
REALITY: What will you need to do to lose those pounds? What do you need to say 'yes' to and what must you say 'no' to? Say Yes to exercise, No to ice cream.
OPTIONS: Do you combine it all into one thing like working in the garden instead of eating ice cream? Or do you substitute something that is satisfying and add some exercise like swimming three times a week? What are your options?
WILLINGNESS: What will you really do? Consider wisely. Make a commitment!

Jacqueline Hale is a CPA and the editor of Between Friends: Resources for Mothers. Between Friends contains household hints, time management tips, articles on organization, parenting, money management, career, self employment, self improvement and more! Visit her website at www.betweenfriends.org.

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