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	7 Steps To Successful Negotiation

	by Linda Tillman

Here’s my philosophy of successful negotiation -- in negotiating ASSERTIVELY, each person should feel that she/he WINS. Each person should get some of what he/she wants.

STEP ONE--IDENTIFY THE PROBLEM

Each person states what seems to be the problem using "I STATEMENTS". Sometimes the negotiation gets bogged down here as the people involved may disagree about what the real problem is.

Example:

Person 1 "I would like to discuss how we share the household tasks."

Person 2 "I think the real problem is how we decide who cleans the kitchen."

Some discussion will be needed before these two go on with the negotiation so that the subject is clear to both. The common saying is that they each need to be "on the same page."

STEP TWO--LISTEN ASSERTIVELY

Each person states an OPINION. The other person reflects or RESTATES the opinion as they heard it. Then you take turns and the second person states an opinion.

Example:

Person 1 "I am tired at the end of a hard day at work and the last thing I want to do is clean the kitchen. My preference is to leave the dirty dishes until the next morning."

Person 2 "So you are saying that you are tired and would like to leave the dishes in the sink until tomorrow morning."

Remember, just because you reflect the other person's opinion, you are not AGREEING with it. In this part of negotiation, you are simply being a mirror....

STEP THREE -- BRAINSTORM IDEAS FOR THE SOLUTION

In brainstorming, each person is just throwing ideas onto the table. During a brainstorming time, it is important to understand that this is not a time for discussion or JUDGMENT. This is simply an idea-gathering time. It’s best if you state as a rule before the negotiation that all ideas will be RESPECTED whether you agree with them or not. And sometimes it helps to write the ideas down on a legal pad or an erasable board.

Example:

Person 1 "Maybe we could throw a dishtowel over the dirty dishes so we wouldn't have to look at them."

Person 2 "If we agreed to, then we could each put the glass we drink from or the plate we ate lunch on in the dishwasher when we are through."

Person 1 "Well, maybe if we open the dishwasher to take a clean dish out of it, we could then be responsible for emptying the whole dishwasher."

STEP FOUR -- PICK A SOLUTION

When you run out of ideas, then it's time to consider all of them and decide TOGETHER what might work best. Make assertive statements about each idea until one appears to be the best one.

Example:

Person 1 "I like the idea of emptying the dishwasher when we take something out of it. I don't think that would take too long and it would be one step toward cleaning the kitchen."

Person 2 "I sometimes take my glass out of the kitchen. I would have a hard time remembering to take my dirty dishes back to the kitchen. I don't think that idea will work well."

STEP FIVE --MAKE A CONTRACT

A contract means that you are stating clearly what the AGREEMENT is. A contract needs to be specific and defined in behavioral terms.

Example:

Person 1 "So we are agreeing that if we take a glass or anything out of the dishwasher when it is full of clean dishes, then we are obligated to empty the whole dishwasher."

Person 2 "Yes, and emptying the whole dishwasher includes putting away the silverware and any pots and pans in the dishwasher. Right?"

STEP SIX -- TRY OUT THE SOLUTION

The try out time should be LIMITED.

Example:

Person 1 "OK, let's experiment for two weeks. Then let's get together again and talk about how it worked."

STEP SEVEN -- LOOK FOR PROBLEMS IN THE CONTRACT

Both parties need to give their view on the way the contract worked. What was GOOD about the contract and what needs CHANGING? Redo the process from the beginning, if necessary.

Example:

Person 2 "I seemed to have a hard time emptying the dishwasher. Part of that was because I grabbed a clean glass for water as I ran out of the door for work. I just didn't have time to get the rest of the dishes. When I came home, planning to empty it at the end of the day, you had already done it and were mad. Maybe we need to rethink the mechanics of how this will work."

PUTTING THEM TOGETHER

In the seven steps to successful negotiation, the most important steps are the first one and the last one. Identifying the problem clearly is quite a challenge and deserves respectful thought and definition. Looking for problems in the contract, even if it means going back to step one adds to the WIN/WIN feeling. If the contract isn't working, each party has an opportunity to try again to get closer to what he/she wants. COMPROMISE is what it is all about. These seven steps should help you negotiate your way to a win/win compromise.

Linda Tillman, PhD is a licensed psychologist and has been in private practice since 1984. For the last seventeen years, Linda has taught Assertiveness Training and coached people to speak up for themselves. Visit Linda's website at www.speakupforyourself.com or subscribe to her free monthly newsletter at speakupforyourself.listbot.com.

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